I’ve been reading, hearing and chatting a lot about love lately.
I’ve been spending the first week of 41 trying to hone in on some thoughts I’ve been having and changing them for the better. I hope what I’ve learned I can somehow express over the next few posts, without sounding corny. Though I guess that’s part of a blog about finding love through friendships with the gay boys. Bound to not be your average bed time reading!
So, just the weekend before my birthday I had a bit of a melt-down, as only a girl in a gay gay world probably can. I don’t really know why it happened, perhaps just the not accepting of the new age, realising birthdays are really just not as fun the older we get, and wondering why the hell there are so many friends in couples now?! Looking at the love everyone else has and wonder how it has passed me by.
Why do all the gay guys want to spend time with me (I’m fighting them off) but I can’t seem to get anything right on the dating side of things? The straight dating that is.
This went on for a while, feeling sorry for myself, even cancelling a few social engagements with coupled up friends. Preferring the warmth of my duvet, and willing my birthday to just go away. Then feeling really bad about cancelling. And reminiscing about how at my 40th one year before I had sung to a ship of sailors “If I could turn back time”. OMG! How I wished right now I could stop time, turn it back, walk the plank backwards. Anything but be turning another year older!
I got myself quite worked up. And then I stopped and looked at what has happened to me in the past year, where I am now, and how I have SO much to be grateful for. AND I have the power to change things in my life moving forward.
I might not be able to magic dates from my gay friends out of thin air… but I can certainly change the way I think about love, and about dating. Perhaps my thinking has been all wrong?
I awoke to more than a hundred beautiful birthday wishes from friends flung all over the world. And I knew I got the love. Then with just a few changes I’ve made this week I’m amazed at how much more I have achieved. Nope. No dates. Still on zero there!
It’s quite simply in addition to just having the usual fun filled nights out with (several and varied) gay friends, I’ve been really feeling their love and giving it back, rather than pushing it away, as I think I have before.
It’s only Week 1 into my new mind fitness regime… but some fun and really beautiful stuff is emerging which I can’t wait to share. It’s not without it’s wobbles. But hey, what’s a blog without a breakdown? Every now and then 🙂
Have you ever felt err, wobbly?